My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
