I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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