how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
