Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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