every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
