a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
