My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
