Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
