I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
