mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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