That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
