my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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