dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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