Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
