I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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