i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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