the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
