I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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