Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
