The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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