Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
