HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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