Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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