Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
