so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
