just tell him i said nine months
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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