my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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