i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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