dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
