yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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