I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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