Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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