My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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