He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
