I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Found the puke drawer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
