Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
