Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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