Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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