Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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