i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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