I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
