She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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