can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
