i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
