a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
