i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
honey bunches of taint.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize