Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
