2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
