Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
