Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
