I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
