and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
