I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
