omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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