His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize