I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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