she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
