You made me cry and you don't even care
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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