I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
