My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
