Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
