At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
