I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
