he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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