I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
