I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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