when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
