she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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