that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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