Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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