So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize