would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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