Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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