Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
