im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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