We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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