the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
