I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
