why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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