FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
