I must be too annoying 4 u.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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