i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize