smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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