Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
