just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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