the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
