I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
