sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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