Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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