fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize