Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
