I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
