I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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