I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
