Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
